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| Time: | 9:27 pm. |
| Mood: |  cheerful. |
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I am still Happy.
The Hanna Montana Movie was very good.
The Wolverine Movie will be very awesome.
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Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
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On the first day of Christmas I pray for you joy in abundance and laughter, for laughter cures our ills and joy makes our spirits soar.
On the second day of Christmas, I pray for you a sigh when you need one, for a sigh clears the heart as a cough clears the throat, and with a sigh comes acceptance of what we cannot change.
On the third day of Christmas, I pray for you tears when you need them, for tears clear the eyes to see the stars and cleanse the soul to let healing being.
On the fourth day of Christmas, I pray for you serenity, for fights and wars start in individual
breaths and that is where they must end.
On the fifth day of Christmas, I pray for you wisdom, for our priceless gift is the gift of choice - and we should use it well every day, in word and deed.
On the sixth day of Christmas, I pray for you patience, for most troubles pass if we wait them out,
and success comes with persistence.
On the seventh day of Christmas, I pray for you courage, for there may be many pitfalls and dangers ahead and problems can only be solved when they are faced.
On the eighth day of Christmas, I pray for you compassion, for we cannot help others until we
understand them, and we cannot understand them until we walk in their shoes.
On the ninth day of Christmas, I pray for you a willingness to work, for work turns dreams to reality-whether the dreams are ours or belong to those we can help.
On the tenth day of Christmas, I pray for you unwavering faith, for faith shapes our morals and our destiny and draws us closer to God.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, I pray for you a mind full of hope, for hope determines our attitudes, sets our goals and creates our ideals.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, I pray for you a heart so full of love that every day you must give some away to those whose paths you cross.
On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree.
On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
I have decided I want a Christmas Romance, at some point in time in my life, where a guy woo's with the Twelve Days of Christmas. If anyone reading this knows where to find Twelve Days of Christmas Decorations, let me know!!
Happy Hollidays
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Tuesday, March 25th, 2008
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So I've been thinking....
Lately I've been trying to look past certain things about some people in my life, trying to focus on the positive things, but it's not working so well. I have a gut feeling that I've been lied to, and have been lied to quit a lot recently. And I've been right about these people before when I've had a strong gut feeling, so I'm probably right now. I wish I could understand how one moment someone acts like they are really, truly your friend, but in the next moments are complete jackasses, and haven't for some months, years actually, had the guts to tell you the truth. And by lying I am talking about bold faced lies, directly to my face and lies of omission.
The second thing I've realized is that I'm destine to not have a real true friend. Every friend that I have that I think might just be the one person, or few people, that I will be friends with for a long while manage to truly disappoint me. We either "move apart" due to literal distance, which is actually ok and natural, or I just seem to get pushed aside and replaced. Or, I'm told I'm to difficult to deal with, and when I get upset no one wants anything to do with me, because God forbid I get irrationally upset about something, and never want to listen to reason. And I suppose in reality I can understand why people wouldn't want to deal with this, however on the other hand I think it is bullshit when I have been there for people through far lesser, stupider emotional roller coasters. So for years I stick with people and no matter what the issue, even if it hurts me (literally and figuratively) I'm still supportive and never give up on the people. Though goodness knows there were plenty of moments that I wanted to throw in the towel and say "I quit, I cannot handle this. I cannot handle being around someone so unhappy with everything around them, even though I'm here trying to help." So many times I wanted to say this to so many people, so many times I had every right to just up and leave, even when I was put into situations that had outcomes that by right should never had happened. I probably sound like I'm trying to be a martyr to anyone reading this, but I'm not. I've had this on my mind for a while, and I need to get it out of my system. But there have been some really, really bad situations that I've been in with friends, that I have stuck with them through, but I get an attitude problem, and have a time in my life when ever little things bothers me, and what happens.... I basically get told that my "friends" can no longer stand to be around me, or they don't say anything at all and I just never hear from them again.
A person once told me that I expect to much from a friend, and in a friendship. I think that person is wrong. It isn't so much that I "expect" too much from them. I just think that they are a high standard of person, who should demonstrate a higher standard of friendship that a childish high school friendship. Though, I should never have thought these people had a higher standard or quality, because none of them turned out to be so.
It just saddens me sometimes when people I had been friends with develop friendships with other people, that are better than the one I thought we had. And they develop friendships that seem like they are going to last for years. And, it pisses me off when my supposed "friends" find "the one" and don't really have the decency to tell me. But, oh well. I'm done dwelling on that.
And I swear the next time I order honey from a fast food place, and they ask if I want honey mustard I'm going to scream and walk out.
My final thought for this entry is...I'm just going to continue to live my little life happily ever after, but to anyone who might be lying to me (though those people probably don't read this, no one probably does), don't try to ease your conscience now. I really, really don't want to hear it. It's too late. And when I say I don't want to be told, I don't want to talk about, don't try to make yourself feel better and tell me, not even in an instant message.
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Monday, February 18th, 2008
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I officially give up on thinking that I have any significance or importance to anyone who claims to be my friend and has a boyfriend or girlfriend. I just seem to be forgotten as soon as any friend gets a boyfriend or girlfriend. I try not to take it personally. But not matter what anyone has ever told me, once one of my friends has a boyfriend or girlfriend they want to ever do anything with me. They are either too busy or just want to spend time by themselves. I understand that the time spent with other friends once one gets a boyfriend or girlfriend decreases, but I refuse to think it is right and ok to drop other friends just because you are in a relationship. There is not a single person in my life who has gotten a boyfriend or girlfriend and still stayed my friend. This is really frustrating and I wish there was something I could do about it. But alas....what can you do.
Some might read this and think I'm being stupid, whinny, and ridiculous, but...what is the point of a journal if you can't say what you are thinking at the moment and write it down.
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Tuesday, December 25th, 2007
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Disclaimer: What you are about to read are really just the ramblings of a tired, emotional 23 year old. If you don't understand something don't try. It will not make sense to anyone reading this. And, I will not answer any questions anyone may ask, especially if they are about clarifications of things I have talked about.
I have finally figured out what has been wrong with me since last October and why I was so stupid and blindly believed my so called friends and trusted them. I stopped thinking. I saw this stuff coming from a mile away but was stupid to believe the people around me that it was going to happen. I knew it was going to happen the moment I found out 100% that I was lied to, and yet I stupidly thought I could trust people.
The problem with this trusting thing is that I should not have done it in the first place. Because...there was a history of lying and dishonesty. A history of lying to other friends and losing their trust. And I thought I was different. HA! The only difference that existed was that I was better at one thing, and one thing only, than some of the other people. And look where that got me. A wasted year of my life that was filled with probably millions of lies that I will never even know about. But the worst part was that 10 months of the the 14 were the biggest lie and I was living blissfully thinking that at least those 10 months were honest. I now have absolutely no reason to believe so, no matter what is said by anyone, and if I could time travel I know the exact day that I would go back and change (though I guess I do not remember the exact day, just the events of the day that have played through my head repeatedly for the past 14 months. I tried hard to forget but the memory just wouldn't go away).
The problem with is one memory, the single day in my 23 years that I would change, (the reason I would change it) is that it is the day that I stopped thinking and trusted one person whole heartedly. Of course I will from now on not do that again (at least not without a long history of truthfulness and a foundation for trust). People will of course tell me this is no way to live my life, but I do not think it is for anyone but me to decide how to live my life. I was quite happy up until I stopped thinking. I think that I can continue to be happy if I just trust myself instead of someone else.
Henceforth (yes I just said henceforth) I am going back to living happily ever by myself. And dying an old lady with a house full of owls. I am not saying that I will never have another relationship, or that I will never date, or never get married. But I will never again forget that I can be quite happy with myself, by myself. Though I blame forgetting that on my whole college experience.
I do not think it wise (and of course this probably only applies to be because I'm pretty sure I grew up in a some other universe) to put an only child very much used to having no friends, and being by herself in to a situation where she suddenly has 10 friends and is always hanging out with people. It makes one forget what it is like to be alone and friendless and imaginative and creative. Trust me, you have to be very creative as an only child. Though if someone could explain to me how I got into witches, vampires and the like when neither of my parents were, please tell me I'd really, really like to know.
Ok...so the shaking hasn't stopped, I think it is time I went to bed and hope that I can go to sleep not thinking about how pissed I'm going to be in a few days.
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Monday, December 10th, 2007
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Where're your friends?
Where're your friends?
Where are your friends, man?
What? What? Where're my friends?
All my friends are dead.
All my friends are dead.
They got kicked in the head,
All my friends are dead.
All my friends are dead.
All my friends are dead.
They got smacked in the head,
All my friends are dead.
I always knew that they would
end up like today.
They bought the bullet and they
played with hand grenades.
Hey! x3
All my dreams were lies.
All my dreams were lies.
Nightmares in Disguise
All my dreams were lies.
All my friends are dead.
All my friends are dead.
They got dragged outta bed,
Now they're buried and they're dead.
I always knew that they would
end up like today.
They bought the bullet and they
played with hand grenades.
Hey! x3
Fuckin' Eh!
I always knew that they would
end up like today.
They bought the bullet and they
played with hand grenades.
Now they're buried and they're dead! x3
Dead!
(To anyone who actually may still be reading this....Try not to take it too personally. I'm just feeling really really pissed off right now)
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Wednesday, August 15th, 2007
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414. Resurrecting this list
415. Changes in job
416. Making decisions (though the decisions themselves may not be that happy)
417. Visiting with friends
418. Having Michelle come visit
419. The Disney Movie about Double Dutch (something I was never really able to do)
420. Corbin Blue
421. Letting go of things that are ready to be let go of
422. Seeing Batman 2 being filmed in Chicago
423. Getting a picture of a Gotham Police Department SWAT van
424. A very full and busy summer with friends and family
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was much simplier when all I had to post about was things to be happy about. This whole starting life on your own after college, not really that bad, but it definetly has stressful mements Life has its ups and downs, but I ready for there to be more ups than downs. Not that life is all that bad right now. There are just things....
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Wednesday, June 6th, 2007
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So.... I don't even know if anyone still looks at my journal since it has been so long since my last posting, but oh well.
Graduation=a blur, though I had lots of fun sitting around Sunday night with my cousins at my apartment have five conversations at once. And I'd like to say a special THANK YOU to my cousin Ashley for making the trip up for my graduation and spending the night and hanging out on Monday.
After graduation my mom and I went to Door County for about 4 days. We left on Monday evening and returned on Thursday. It was fun. On Friday we went to IKEA. Saturday was cleaning and unpacking. Sunday was the return home. I enjoyed spending the time with my mom, though I don't know that I highly recommend Door County unless you want to stay at a cute little inn and visit every tiny little gift shop on the island. But if you do go, you have to ride the car ferry, just say you rode on a car ferry (obviously this would be pointless if you've ridden on a car ferry before). But we did not know what to expect in Door County and we just had fun doing nothing and hanging out together. For those who don't know, my mom and I are very close.
Anyways, upon returning to Fulton on Sunday, my purpose for the following week is to pack and clean up my room to bring things back to Racine with me. It is kind of surreal. But my laundry is all done and packed up, I boxed up a lot of things today, and have planned what I'm bringing back with me. Hopefully my little car can hold it all.
The last thing I tonight was empty out a small Priority mail box that I had received Freshman year from my cousin Ashley containing Harry Potter candy and a countdown (I think it was originally in this box) for Harry Potter #3 movie. It was a countdown on black post-it notes with a silver marker. Each page had the number of days left and either a HP sticker or some comment from Ashley. It was fun to flip through and look at again. Also in this box I found a note I had received in May of 2004, so the end of my Freshman year. This note was from a friend who I had sort of separated from during the year, which was sad because she was the first person I had become friends with at Carthage. After I received that note I went and talked with her about it, but I don't really recall what had happened. And the following two years I know we did not see much of eachother, just every now and then. But I am happy to say that in this last year at Carthage togehter we have grown closer again (at least I like to think so) and are as good as friends now as we were those first months of Carthage. It is sad to think now that we live so far apart, and not just a mere 2 floors. As is the case with most people I know from Carthage. But I am optimistic that, with the help of facebook, we will keep in touch.
My parting thoughts for the night is a poem, my friend put in with her note to me, that I think most everyone can appreciate:
"Portrait of a Friend"
I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers.
I can't change your past with all it's heartache and paint, nor the future with its untold stories. But I can be there now when you need me to care.
I can't keep your feet from stumbling. I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.
Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine; Yet I can share in your laughter.
Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge; I can only support you, encourage you, and help you when you ask.
I can't prevent you from falling away from frienship, from your values, from me. I can only pray for you, talk to you, and wait for you.
I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you, But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself.
I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting, But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place.
I can't tell you who you are. I can only love you and be your friend.
-Unknown
To my friend who gave this to me, if you have figured out who you are, I am truly thankful for our friendship over these years.
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let me know what you think!!
This was inspired by my Scottish Spider-Man and the movie Highlander from the 80's.
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Thursday, March 8th, 2007
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410. I made a new Spider-Man costume. Spider-Man can now be Scottish
411. I also a Spider-Man banner, it even has a few animations (to be posted later)
412. I had lots and lots of fun silly time with Aaron while making my creations, even though I was sick
413. dinner with Sam & Tyler before the crazy creations
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Thursday, March 1st, 2007
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Tuesday, February 27th, 2007
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409. Here is how it went...
-Chris finds jar of peanut M&Ms "Ooo, peanut M&Ms"
-Denis "those are not for you, hands off"
-Denis gets up to stop Chris from eating M&Ms
-Chris picks up with whole jar and dumps remaining 5-10 M&Ms in his mouth
-I wish everyone could have been there to see this. I laughed so hard I started crying.
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Wednesday, February 7th, 2007
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408. World's shortest fairy tale - Female version
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?"
The guy said, "No."
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping and drank
martinis
with her friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, stayed
skinny, and was never farted on.
~ The End~
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Saturday, January 20th, 2007
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404. Fun last weekend with Joslyn and her boyfriend Mike
405. Spending the same weekend with my boyfriend
406. Fun time shopping with Aaron on Monday night
407. Awesome night (last night) with Michelle, Amanda and Joslyn. It was fun hanging out with people I haven't hung out with in a long time.
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So I haven't updated in a long, long, long, long time. One month and 8 days to be exact.
There has been a lot going on in the past month. A December full of weekeneds consisting of me going home every weekend and having a lot of fun every weekend. Unfortunately the weeks in between the weekends kind of sucked and were full with a bunch of bullshit occuring. But it is a new year and that is hopefully all behind me. I will have to see what happens, so far it is not fairing well. But December did bring the end to my senior thesis in which I did very well and I get to graduate with my business degree. So yay!
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Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
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Did I trick you with my subject line?
And yes, I expect answeres to this question, it is not a retorical question.
Only thing I can think of posting about now... I added my cousin Tim to Facebook and posted on his wall. Probably like the 7th wall posting I've ever made.
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Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
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GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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blue_topaz03's journal
happy.
drained.
okay.
nostalgic.
sad.
annoyed.